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I refrain from telling people how to reflect and I haven’t worked at a Guitar Center.

I offer fun tips for procuring the mattress of your dreams.

The best deals are not online. So if you’re headed to a mattress store today keep these ideas in mind when interacting with a salesperson.

1. Comfort is everything. The biggest asset inside a mattress store is the sales person. Not all are honest. It sucks. Be prepared to walk because vibes don’t lie. Trust the gut. Even if you love the mattress, walk away. This is an experience and it should be harmonious across the board.

2. Time is an investment and it is costly. Use this to your advantage. Don’t be rushed by the salesperson. The more time you spend in the store the less money you will pay. Test every mattress in the house, even the one they claim is in the penthouse at the Ritz. It’s not but that’s OK. Enjoy yourself.

3. Ask questions about warranties, returns and exchanges. Ask and re-ask about features and benefits. Cash discounts. Free delivery. Adjustable beds. Pillows and protectors. Ask for a better discount but don’t commit. Have them repeat it all again and then ask about financing.

   3a. The store’s goal is to confuse you with information overload. It works in reverse too. It happened to me. I once talked myself out of selling a mattress to a customer. My brain malfunctioned from all their questions. It crashed like Windows ‘98. I walked them to the door and recommended a restaurant down the street. The point? Have the salesperson clarify everything again and again until they are confused. Then ask for another discount. Do not commit.

4. Look around you. Customers watch other customers. When one walks w/o buying the energy in the store shifts. There is a reason. Notice the worry and wonder that fills the air. Whose worry and wonder — the salespersons. They know slow feet don’t eat. Gravitate to the exit. Let them chase you. It’s deal time.

5. And when they do chase you refuse to buy unless they give you another $300 discount.

6. Let them accept.

You will be surprised how low a mattress store can do the limbo.

Have fun out there, sleepers!

Thank you for reading. All are welcome!

This work is how I support myself. I truly enjoy it and ask you consider supporting my efforts with a monthly, yearly or founding member subscription.

A paid subscription is $6 a month, that’s less than one Grande Iced White Chocolate Mocha at Starbucks.

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If a paid subscription isn’t you thing then please enjoy the occasional free blog post or podcast episode, and maybe consider buying me a coffee with Zell or Venmo when you it’s appropropriate for you. It’s all appreciated.

Thanks again and have a great week!

Zelle: thejoemoran@gmail.com

Venmo: @ TheJoeMoranShow

Quick intro reminder… I am a multimedia artist (actor, writer, photographer, comedian and podcaster.) A monthly subscription supports the cause.

Artists have survival jobs. I spent the last five years working in a survival job at small and independently owned mattress store.

You might have seen me in person, or on TV. I appear on Peacock and Amazon Prime (Ted, and Daisy Jones and the Six, respectively.) I have been in several national tv and internet campaigns. I’m the original ‘Inspire Sleep’ guy and now I host a podcast about sleep. Ironic?

I am from the Midwest, right outside Chicago, and today I live in SoCal.

As a reminder paid subscribers receive access to my podcast, ‘How Do You Sleep At Night?’ It recounts all the mistreatment and PTSD I experienced working for the store from 2020-2025. It’s a comedy. I do not know how many episodes there’ll be. I’m shooting for 5-6 before moving to the next project.

In addition to stories about customers I get into things like my own self-doubt, my fears and the projections of guilt from shitty mattress store customers. There were tons.

It wasn’t all bad. There are unforgettable moments at the mattress store and most of them are hilariously unbelievable stories.

During the five years I worked for the store I interacted with over 25,000 customers. You wouldn’t believe what I heard.

Listen to it all with your subscription. A monthly subscription costs less than one Grande Iced White Chocolate Mocha, with caramel, chocolate shavings and two pumps of mint extract.

Free subscribers receive the occasional free blog post and podcast episode.

Thanks and don’t forget to subscribe.

Subscribe

If a paid subscription isn’t you thing then please enjoy the occasional free blog post or podcast episode, and maybe consider buying me a coffee with Zell or Venmo when you it’s appropriate for. It’s all appreciated.

I appreciate you.

Zelle: thejoemoran@gmail.com

Venmo: @ TheJoeMoranShow